Heat by senshi_of_ruin
Part Eight:
“Kei… We can be together… we can be together
forever if you change me.”
Kei froze as Sho spoke these words. With his
altered blood, his high alcohol consumption was now at last being absorbed into
his system and he was finding it easier to think again. His gaze met Sho’s and
saw that his friend was deadly serious in his request and Kei actually had to
lean back against the counter for his legs felt as though they were going to
give way at any moment.
He would be lying if he said that the thought of
turning Sho hadn’t ever crossed his mind. Kei had contemplated it for only a
few seconds before crushing it deep down inside of him. He would never turn a
human, even one who was willing. He could never do that to Sho… not when he
cared for him so much.
“Kei?” Sho came closer until he was all but a
few centimetres away. “Kei, say something?”
“No.”
“No?”
“No, I’m not going to change you.”
“Why not?” Sho snapped.
“I can’t. It wouldn’t be right.”
“I’m asking you to. I want you to, Kei.”
“Do you? Sho, you are such a child. You have no
idea what you are asking.”
“Stop calling me that! I am not a kid anymore,
Kei. I am an adult and I can make my own decisions.”
“This isn’t your decision to make and even if it
was you are making it blind!”
Sho stepped closer still, the look in his blue
eyes was one of determination and Kei suddenly knew that he had to stop this
now. If he didn’t then Sho may very well go looking for trouble so that fate
might force Kei’s hand.
“Sho” Kei forced his voice to soften, “You have
only the faintest idea of what it is like to be me. The craving and need for
blood is just one factor. Tell me, Sho, could you go out on the streets at
night, chose a victim, a young woman walking home alone perhaps, and not just
kill them but drain their very life essence. Could you do this in cold blood?
Could you stand to be shut off from the world in daylight hours? Could you
watch your friends growing old and eventually leaving you behind? My existence,
if you can even call it that, is filled with unbearable pain and regret.
Confined to the darkness with no one to share your misery.”
“That is why I am asking you to do this. We
could be together and share each other’s pain. Kei, we could help each other.”
“That’s what Luka thought. He thought that
having a ‘friend’ would make his existence bearable and it was, for a few
decades, but then he began lamenting on what he had done and how he had forced
this curse on me, how he had taken my life away for such a selfish reason. I
became his biggest regret and in the end it was too much for him. He left me
and one day I could leave you. How would you feel then, Sho? You would be left
alone.”
“It would be different between us” he insisted,
although his voice was wavering.
“Would it?”
“It would. You’d never leave me.”
Kei shook his head and looked away. A dark part
of him wanted to do as Sho asked. A part of him wanted Sho to join him in his
eternal nightmare but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Sho had a brother, he
had friends and he had a life and Kei wanted him to live and enjoy it. He
couldn’t bind Sho to him. Kei would not be that selfish.
“Kei?” Sho sounded resigned, defeated almost,
and for this Kei was glad. “You’d never leave me… would you?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Sho echoed, his expression one
of hurt before he quickly shielded this with his anger: “What do you mean you
don’t know?”
Kei sighed and shook his head, “You are as naďve
as I was. Do you think having you would make everything better for me? I
thought I could take away Luka’s pain but I couldn’t. At the end of the day we
were still both monsters and, despite having each other, we had no one. Do you
understand that?”
“Then why are you still here?” Sho asked
quietly, his eyes somewhat downcast, “If life is truly too much for you then
why haven’t you joined your precious Luka?” there was also jealousy in his
words and he spat Luka’s name out as though it were poison.
“Because I’m a coward” Kei answered softly,
knowing that he had to leave the room. Now. He did so hurriedly, pushing passed
Sho but the younger man made no move to stop him. Kei hurried through the front
room to his bedroom and shut the door behind him. He leaned back against the
wood and sighed, whilst realising, for the first time, that there were tears in
his eyes.
******
“So you thought that was funny?” he demanded,
although he too was smiling.
Sho grinned, “Yes.”
“How do you like it then?”
Sho shrieked when Kei dropped the packet down
onto his chest, Sho’s shirt also being unbuttoned because of the heat.
“Ah!” he quickly swatted the packet away, “It’s
cold!”
“I thought you were hot?” Kei demanded, trying
to keep his expression serious but he couldn’t help but grin when Sho laughed
again.
For a long time Sho didn’t move from the
kitchen, merely busying himself with cleaning the glass up from the floor.
Still this didn’t stop him from thinking back
over to the innocent game that had started it all and his anger at this
threatened to overwhelm him. Kei had warned him that this could only end in
pain but Sho knew better than this. Kei’s pain had been there for a lot longer
than a few days. He had carried it within him for so many years now. It was
constantly haunting him, as was his dead mentor. Sho, if the truth were known,
had always hated the saddened and far off look in Kei’s eyes whenever he spoke
of Luka. Although the man had been dead for many years, Kei was still clinging
to either his old lover’s memory or using his passing as an excuse for his own
despair. The Kei that Sho knew was the man who had protected him, the man who
he looked up too, admired and, yes, even loved. His respect for Kei had been so
much that he had failed to see that Kei was suffering and that looking after
the three boys was the only real reason that he had for existence. Now that
they were grown up and didn’t need him anymore, Kei was struggling to find
himself or even justify how he lived. Sho just wished that there were some way
that he could take this pain away. For years he had avoided the subject, either
pretended to be oblivious to it or merely kept it out of conversation but that
had been wrong, especially now that their relationship had changed.
“I’m asking you to. I want you to, Kei.”
“Do you? Sho, you are such a child. You have no
inclination of what you are asking.”
“Stop calling me that! I am not a kid anymore,
Kei. I am an adult and I can make my own decisions.”
“This isn’t your decision to make and even if it
was you are making it blind!”
Had he truly been willing to take on the curse?
He had acted, again, purely on impulse and, if he was completely honest, the
prospect of becoming like Kei terrified him. To live that way… Sho didn’t know
where Kei found the strength. Kei thought himself a coward for not joining Luka
but Sho felt the exact opposite; that it had taken more courage for him to save
himself.
Finally leaving the kitchen, Sho paused outside
Kei’s bedroom but then changed his mind about going in. Enough had been said
tonight. It would be better to address things further in the morning when they
had both had a chance to reflect on what had been said tonight.
******
That’s what Luka thought. He thought that having a ‘friend’
would make his existence bearable and it was, for a few decades, but then he
began lamenting on what he had done and how he had forced this curse on me, how
he had taken my life away for such a selfish reason. I became his biggest
regret and in the end it was too much for him.
Kei didn’t get any sleep that night or even in
the morning. Each time he tried to close his eyes he just recalled his heated
conversation with Sho over and over again in his mind. He could hear his friend
moving about come daybreak. Kei heard the shower running and then Sho moving
into the kitchen and having breakfast, Currently, Kei could hear the sound of
the television and he could smell smoke from a cigarette.
Then why are you still here? If life is truly too much for
you then why haven’t you joined your precious Luka?
If there was one subject that pained Kei more
than talking of his relationship with Sho then it was Luka. Kei hated the fact
that he couldn’t have done more for his mentor. He blamed himself for Luka’s
death and it haunted his dreams most nights. Kei, for years, had hated Luka for
turning him, for snatching him away from his life, but the need for someone,
someone to share his burden overwhelmed his hate. Had he loved Luka? Kei
couldn’t honestly say that he had. Of course he had cared about him, but it was
Luka’s comfort that he had loved more than the vampire himself. Certainly,
Kei’s feelings for Luka couldn’t compare to how he felt for Sho.
“Kei… We can be together… we can be together
forever if you change me.”
Sho who had been prepared to give up his own
humanity to spend an eternity in hell with Kei.
At this thought, Kei felt an overwhelming sense
of shame at his own reaction to this. He would never turn Sho, but he had
handled the situation badly, cruelly even, and Kei just wanted to put things
right between them. It was one hell of a mess that they had got themselves into
and he would do anything to make it all work out somehow. Kei knew that his
reactions had been unforgivable. Pushing Sho away wasn’t the answer. It wasn’t
Sho that was the problem. Kei was afraid, he knew now, but he just didn’t know
how they could go forward. He was still a vampire and Sho was human, nothing
would ever change that. But he still needed Sho, Kei knew. Sho was all he had
and to tie him down to this eternal nightmare would be a terrible and selfish
thing for him to do but if Sho was willing to see him through this nightmare…
if Sho was true to his word…
He couldn’t do this anymore, Kei realised as he
slowly made his way out into the hallway and along the small corridor to the
front room where Sho lay sprawled out across the sofa watching the television.
He felt drained, both physically and emotionally. He couldn’t keep up his
pretence any longer; he couldn’t keep fighting his feelings no matter how
painful the alternative. Kei had said so many goodbyes in his prolonged life
already. He was constantly lamenting on what was lost and what eventually would
be to take note of what he had or rather what he could have.
“Sho?” he paused in the doorway, waiting until
Sho switched off the television and got up from the sofa before continuing,
“Sho, I’m sorry.”
As he said these words, Kei found himself unable
to choke back a small sob. Whereas in the past he would have been mortified to
allow Sho to witness him like this, he forced himself to stay in his position
in the doorway until the younger man made it to his side.
“Kei--” Sho started but the blonde cut him off
by entangling a hand in his braids and pulling Sho’s head down so that he might
capture his lips in a desperate kiss.
Kei heard Sho’s small gasp of surprise but
ignored it as he pressed his friend back into the doorframe, whilst tightening
his grip on his hair and keeping their mouths locked together for as long as
possible, until they had to eventually breathe.
As they parted, Sho looked down at him with
troubled eyes and slowly he shook his head, “Damn it, Kei” he whispered,
clenching his fists at his sides as he spoke, “I can’t do this.”
“Why can’t you?”
“Because…” Sho looked away, “Because you’ll
leave me. You won’t be there when I wake up tomorrow.”
“I will.”
“How do I know that? How do I know that you
won’t change your mind? All those things you said, Kei. I can’t just forget
them. All this… it will be followed by regret” Sho took a step backwards at
this, “I can’t do this, Kei.”
“I won’t regret it, Sho. Those things that I
said…” Kei paused, suddenly unsure. This was so difficult for him, so hard for
him to explain his feelings, especially since he had kept them all locked
inside of him for so long now. “I meant them, but… I want us to try and work
this out.”
“How can we?” the younger man shook his head, “I
think… I think you were right, Kei.”
“Sho--” Kei started but paused again when he
realised that Sho was smiling.
“Baka” he grinned affectionately, “Of course I
want to try and work things out.”
“Sho” Kei growled in annoyance but his
irritation soon faded away when the younger man leaned forward, pressing a
fierce kiss to Kei’s lips.
Kei couldn’t honestly say that being with Sho
would lessen his pain but maybe, just maybe, the younger man could help him to
finally begin to accept what he had become.